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Joke of the Day

"Ok..I get it now..When you spoke in a normal voice it was unclear what you meant but once you screamed the identical words it all made sense"

"4 out of 5 people enjoy gang rape"

"My apologies to Tom Cruise. I honestly thought that Scientologists dug up and studied old scientists."

"What makes mexican and black jokes so similar? Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal."

"Why do black people play basketball? Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal."

"Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants."

"I think unscented candles are bullshit... cuz every candle smells like something's burning. (Best read in a Hedberg voice.)"

"My girlfriend and I broke up because of a difference in religious beliefs. She didn't believe I was God."

"You know what a cubicle basically says? It says 'We don't think you're smart enough for an office,but we don't want you to look at anybody.'"

"When someone's ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes. We'll see how busy you are tomorrow."