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Joke of the Day

"I think unscented candles are bullshit... cuz every candle smells like something's burning. (Best read in a Hedberg voice.)"

"How much lube does the Hamburglar need to fuck his kinky girlfriend? About a quart to pound her with cheese."

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women know what it's like to be with an annoying cunt"

"Why is a gun better than a woman? You can buy a silencer for a gun"

"I once joked about Ebola. Everyone started laughing. It was contagious."

"I was going to make a pun about flexibility I decided not to because it was too much of a stretch."

"My phone reception is so clear, I can hear my wife's eyes rolling as I talk."

"Oh trust me, I am very racist I ran plenty of marathons"

"Did you hear about the Irish firing squad? They formed a circle."

"My dad I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."