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Joke of the Day

"I'm not a bragger.... But if I would be, I'm pretty sure that I would be the best one in the World."

"Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?"

"""I'm the world champion of hearing,"" I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw"

"I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know y."

"I would like to tell you a remarkably sophisticated joke........... What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, because they were both stuck up cunts."

"[Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot"

"The opening scene of the movie ""Saving Private Ryan"" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade."

"Wife renewed me for another season."

"""Saw the trailer for that new movie The Revenant, looks itense"". ""Nah, Probly tipis""."

"If I worked for the tribune... ... do you think I'd make the papers?"