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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a vaccuum? With a vaccuum, the dirtbag's on the inside!"

"I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like."

"My ex wife is like the Mona Lisa I mean, she's not that pretty or anything, but I would be damn near ecstatic if I came home and found her hanging in the living room"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they were both stuck-up bitches"

"What do you get when you cross a bungee cord with an owl?? My ass."

"Bring a Knife on a Date! When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"Knock knock Who's there? I smell a map. I smell a map who? Gross."

"Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that's some kind of record."

"I was trying to get the bubbles out of my screen protector and I accidentally bought a horse on eBay."

"Why do they never serve a beer at math party? Because you can't drink and derive"