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Joke of the Day

"My ex wife is like the Mona Lisa I mean, she's not that pretty or anything, but I would be damn near ecstatic if I came home and found her hanging in the living room"

"(Original) did you know that if you squeeze one of your balls hard enough you'll cum? Because sooner or later you'll bust a nut"

"A Jewish kid asks his father for 20 dollars.... The father says ""10 dollars! What do you need 5 dollars for?"""

"Rappers, you don't have to tell them to wave their hands like they don't care. They're millennials: they already don't care."

"If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships."

"(to kid at lemonade stand) i ain't buying shit until i find you on yelp"

"Why was the one y.o. Ethiopian child crying? Because he was having his mid-life crisis."

"What is a pedophile's favorite type of classical music? Anything in A Minor"

"From what I've seen 3d printers print more than d d d."

"""You're just not my cup of tea"" I say to someone else's cup of tea."