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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you stick your hand in a blender? a handshake"

"With inflation, it would be Mambo No. 6.59 in 2013"

"My girlfriend dumped me on a fishing trip. She left me reeling."

"What do Donald Trump and the milk in my fridge have in common? It better get thrown out by November 8 or else I'm going to get violently sick."

"Q: What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A: A chairy."

"What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis? Massage a knee."

"Usually, my rule for drinking is ""one & done"". But with tequila... it's ""Juan & Don""."

"If you need anything you can call me any time of the day or night. I won't answer and my ringer will be off, so it won't bother me at all."

"If you hit people hard enough with a tennis racket they turn into waffles."

"[office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?"