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Joke of the Day

"Oh my gosh! Did you hear about the corderoy pillow? It's making headlines."

"""4 Clones of Dolly the Sheep are alive and well"" You do realize that this is like Twin Porn x 2 to us Scots, right?"

"When I text someone in the same room as me, I stare at them until they get it..."

"I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet."

"My family hates it when I swear, but I sound like a child using mild words.... ....damned if I do, darned if I don't"

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it just becomes a soap opera."

"My roommate called the suicide hotline and they put him on hold They just left him hangin'"

"It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory."

"I hate in your end. O. (innuendo)"

"People tend to put their faith in a higher power. But to me that's just a primitive solution."