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Joke of the Day

"""Child rearing"" sounds like something that'll get you life in prison."

"I remember as a child lying in bed and waiting for Santa Claus to come. And how afterwards it would be so silent and awkward as he got dressed to leave."

"Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it ""defantely"""

"What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint."

"What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk"

"Why did the skeleton leave the party? Because everyone was calling him a bone-head. (I was 6 when I came up with that)."

"Tiger Woods... ...just had the worst 9 holes in his life, well second worst if you consider the 9 holes that lost him his marriage but still..."

"The Queen is what she drinks... Royalty [ I hope this isn't a repost. I thought of it on my own]"

"I think my iPhone is broken. I clicked the home button but I'm still at work..."

"What Does Donald Trump Say as an acknowledgment during a discussion of a clever point made at one's expense? Toupee' my friend...Toupee'"