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Joke of the Day

"What did the german with food allergies say? Gluten Nacht"

"Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing? Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!"

"*rubs magic lamp*rubs harder and faster*genie semen sprays everywhere*"

"Searching for stuff on the internet when you're drunk is called Beer Googles."

"Why will global warming eventually confuse women trying to reach orgasm? Because it will constantly be changing the position of the clittoral."

"How do you pass the Isis entrance exam? I don't know about you, I bombed it."

"2012 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8."

"30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her."

"Have you guys heard the story about the butter? You know what, never mind. I don't want to spread it around."

"Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. ""18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."""