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Joke of the Day

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket... Suddenly she realises that some asshole has her pen."

"[on death row] ""what would you like for your last meal?"" ""A McRib"" ""McRib doesnt come back for 6 more mont...oooh well played!"""

"Nitrogen Monoxide Having Nitrogen Monoxide as parents would really suck. Every time you ask them for something, they'd just be like, ""NO""."

"Her: Wanna ""lex"" tonight? Him: What's that? Her: Lazy sex. Him: What do we do? Her: Lay in bed and send each other Huffington Post articles."

"*cop bursts into bathroom* ""KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!"" *toilet is wearing shades* ""damn. we're too late"" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*"

"Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich? Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar."

"Charlie Sheen hates..... Parisians even more than the IS does."

"Hey, smiling strangers. No thanks."

"Joke regarding Canada What's a Canadian's favourite weapon? An Eh k-47"

"It's truly amazing what Abraham Lincoln accomplished while wearing such a big stupid hat."