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Joke of the Day
"Giraffe: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! [5 min later] *vomits*"
Next Joke
"[as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first"
"Hey kids! Don't bother getting married, just find a woman you don't like and give her a house!"
"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad."
"""I'd UberBlack for you."" - what I assume a pick up line in 2016 sounds like"
"Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough."
"""I'm here for the orgy?"" - Things you shouldn't say when walking into a work meeting."
"McDonald's french fries are not real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect. Tasted fine, too."
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hoarder and then I think,""No. But I should probably keep these used band-aids just in case."""
"I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator"