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Joke of the Day

"I don't think it's very professional for my psychologist to say ""holy shit!"" twice during my hour."

"Why do Egyptian farts smell the same? They have toots in common."

"What do you call a cocktail of iced tea and skittles? A trayvon martini. Yeah I thought that joke might GARNER some negative attention. It was a 1/5 joke. 3/5 with RICE."

"No Brett, I didn't even read that email. I'm not speaking to you because I overheard your Starbucks order this morning."

"Working hard at building up my self confidence! (that's what I named my new Lego set)"

"Romantic movies taught me that you always have to walk out after a big argument so that 6yrs later you can meet by chance and get married."

"Stay away from a place called, ""Farm Fresh Restaurant"". I ordered the chicken soup. A rooster walked up and teabagged his ball$ in a hot bowl of water at my table."

"What do you call an extremely constipated person? Whatever you like. They don't give a shit."

"What do you call a policeman with a thing for MLP? A clop cop."

"Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep"