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Joke of the Day

"i was sitting next to a gorgeous girl on the bus yesterday i was so nervous. i kept thinking to myself ""please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner"". she got a boner."

"No one understood my joke about the virus outbreak... I guess you had to be there to get it."

"For what reason was six afraid of seven? Six knew, that all but for him, seven would have won."

"I just had a phone call saying I'd won 250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It said Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show......"

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"Tiger is wearing a summery pink top with black trousers during his opening round at The Open. He's so getting laid tonight"

"What do you call spaghetti disguised as linguine? Faux-teccine"

"Is it cocky to have 2 penises? I think its 2 cocky."

"Mario: I killed all your turtle troops.Bowser: Turtle what?Mario: All the turtles that work for you.Bowser: What turtles?Mario: Uh oh..."

"[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] ""Hi, I usually don't make it this far"""