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Joke of the Day

"[on a speed date] *2 min long fart* ""It was nice meeting you."""

"If orange is the new black? then Donald Trump is black"

"Why can't Jesus eat pizza? Because he doesn't exist."

"I went to see my doctor to get my prostate checked. He gave me the thumbs up."

"What is Hitlers favorite juice shop? Jamba Jews"

"Good Cop: *reaches for his gun* Intimate Moment Cop: *reaches for the same gun and their hands touch*"

"Imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday- Every half hour it goes to your room opens the door, and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves."

"Life just isn't fair sometimes. Woman can sell it but men can't even give it away."

"If my memory foam mattress really had ""memory,"" it could write for Penthouse."

"I wasn't so sure about having a mustache... ...but it's growing on me."