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Joke of the Day

"On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss ""Shhh, you want them to hear you?"""

Next Joke
 
"How to sex: Boy: can I put my finger in your belly button Girl: sure Girl: that's not my belly button Boy: that's not my finger"
"Signs a Woman Likes You: 1. Eye contact 2. Twirls her hair 3. Laughs at your jokes 4. Follows you 5. Keys your car 6. Kills you"
"Jealously is something you're good at when you suck at everything else."
"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Cause Sheeran"
"""Hello Mr. Ress, how have you been?"" asked the psychologist. ""I feel as though people use me as something to fall back on."" he replied. ""And why do you think that is, Matt?"""
"Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii? ""Aloha Ackbar"" doesn't go over well at the airport"
"Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework."
"Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength then I'm gonna need some bail money on the side."
"No honey, there isn't a neighbor working with a nail gun this early. That was just my knees creaking when I got out of bed."