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Joke of the Day

"the average american eats 8 spidres in their sleep evrey year, but the exceptional american strives to eat at least 20"

"Why was Jimmy so excited to go to Clown College? He got a fool scholarship."

"What's the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor."

"I love being complimented on my parking skills! Someone even left a note on my windshield saying ""parking fine""."

"Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty? Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."

"Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod."

"[knock at door] Cop: open up, it's the police Me [doing an Estonian accent]: I'm not here Cop: are you in Estonia? Me: I am. I'm in Estonia"

"Have you ever been in a Schindler's Lift? If you have, then did you ever feel that it could have carried more people?"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school? It's fine, he woke up."

"I can't wait to start blaming the GOP for everything wrong in America not being magically fixed upon their election to office."