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Joke of the Day

"The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever."

"I've decided to get rid of my vacuum cleaner... ...because it's as old and overused as this joke."

"My girlfriend and I had sex in her parent's bed. It got really awkward when they woke up."

"How did we even waste time before Twitter?"

"My stepmom fell into a wishing well I was amazed- I never thought they worked"

"Sometimes I find it hard to express myself because FedEx hears me breathing."

"If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically."

"What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don't know I wasn't invited !"

"I have just read an interesting dictionary. It had literally no metaphors. I'll ^show^myself^out..."

"i blame everything on the illuminati. stale bread? illuminati."