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Joke of the Day

"I'll straight up dive off a cutting board and cut shit on a diving board I don't give a shit anymore."

"What kind of meat does a priest eat? Nun. (this one is probably a little better spoken)"

"went to a temporary tatoo parlor it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone."

"Hubby took the kids downstairs and is letting me sleep in! I'm so excit..never mind, I hear crying already. I think it's my husband."

"I'm so happy I'm not as cool as you. Because then I'd be a huge fucking asshole."

"I don't like dodecahedrons They are too edgy for me."

"Why is the moon so dark? Because the sun beat the daylights out of it. :D"

"Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'."

"I'm no different than the average working guy. I have two arms, two legs and 4.2 billion dollars. ~ Donald Trump"

"I know a great joke about rape. But they don't let me put it in"