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Joke of the Day

"Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'."

"A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her."

"Why is Karl Marx a fan of the Galactic Empire? He was born ina 1818."

"I play Jenga on our first date So she knows my pull out game is strong"

"Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan? #Because his *degree* didn't work!"

"I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march. Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich."

"I didn't know you could get paid for donating sperm. When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers..."

"There's a woman at breakfast with a mink purse. I guess it's important to skin an animal alive to keep your credit cards warm... Idiot"

"The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182"

"Twilight's like soccer. They run around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand."