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Joke of the Day

"I always pretend I've never had the samples at Costco. ""What's this? Bagel Bites? Combining bagel & pizza into one?? Now this I GOTTA TRY!"""

"Guy calls his boss and says ""I can't come in, I'm sick"". Boss says, ""you don't sound sick to me"". Guy says, ""I just got done fucking my dog how much sicker could I be?"""

"My apathy is at an all time whatever."

"I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend... They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary."

"I was staring at a fish. Suddenly, it started laughing ...It was probably because of my aqueous humor"

"Mulder: we're trapped with ghosts in the stomach of a metal worm. Scully: those are just people, Mulder. We're on a train."

"Engineers To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary."

"A new energy drink called F5 just came out, It's super refreshing!"

"Feminists are like Mr. Bean They do stupid stuff and everybody laughs at them!"

"How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for his Birthday? He felt his presents."