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Joke of the Day

"How about an app that keeps track of every working automatic paper towel dispenser in the world? All seven or eight of them."

"What are the similarities between my work shirt and the children of Flint, MI? They both were recently ironed."

"I've nicknamed my grandad Spiderman. He doesn't have any superpowers, he just can't climb out of the bath."

"Have you heard of that family fun game Beat the Parents? Talk about a double standard."

"If I built a crime fighting robot I'd make his penis the gun. He'd also be programmed to say ""no homo"" before shooting a guy in the face."

"to be Frank, i would have to change my name."

"What do you call a cross between a hippo, an elephant and a rhino? Hell if I know"

"Watching a documentary is the leading cause of being unbearable in conversations for a week."

"10:00pm *gets a snack* 10:01pm *turns on tv* 10:02pm *glances at twitter for 8 seconds* February"

"Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night? A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog"