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Joke of the Day

"What are the similarities between my work shirt and the children of Flint, MI? They both were recently ironed."

"Me: do you want to hear what happened to the last guy who threatened me? Bumper cars operator: i meant your time is up, like for the ride"

"I bought my friend an elephant for her room... She said ""Thanks!"" I told her ""Don't mention it."""

"*mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs"

"Bob: Who is that? Me:That's Ted, he's the opposite of a hypochondriac.. Ted's arm falls off Ted: Hey guys! Bob: Holy shit! Ted: What, I'm ok"

"Where to dogs who lost their tails go? To a retail store."

"Donald Trump tells a joke to Hillary Clinton It was hillaryous"

"I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription."

"Q: what's a biologists definition of a graph A: an animal with a long neck"

"When I was a kid I could go to a corner store with a $1 and get 2 cokes, 1 kitkat and a gum Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere"