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Joke of the Day

"What are the similarities between my work shirt and the children of Flint, MI? They both were recently ironed."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? Perk up or people will think you're nuts!"

"How do we know Snow White was a hipster? She could never say no to apple."

"Give a man a fire, warm him for a day... Light a man ON fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Last year I turned my life around and lost over 200 lbs People ask me what's your secret? And I'm like ""It's simple, I dumped my girlfriend."""

"I thought the fire alarm went off so I exited the building. It was a premature evacuation.."

"The guy at the gym said rest days are really important, so I've been resting for 6 years."

"For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr"

"I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt. It has a setting for fast coloureds."

"Apparently, Emma Watson is to star in the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. If this turns out to be true, by the end of that movie my peni$ will be fifty shades of purple."