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Joke of the Day

"me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?"

"Trump for president! There will be hell toupee"

"A lost & found note as a gesture of goodwill. Whoever lost a Rolex I report ""the time now is 20 minutes after seven"""

"if a plumber's career can go down the drain... And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?"

"I went for a swim with my daughter... I felt a warm pocket of water in the waves and yelled at her ""Did you just pee in the ocean!?"". ""No"" she said ""the seaweed"" True story."

"Why are people still calling my phone I thought we covered this at orientation..."

"Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper."

"Husband asked his wife ""why don't you tell me when you orgasm?"" She replied ""because I don't like calling you at work."""

"Bono is gonna be really pissed off when he finds out he's not Jesus."

"Anytime there's food in front of my face I always eat it even if I'm not hungry. That's why I could never be a gynecologist."