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Joke of the Day

"yea whataver ... i have a gf shes uhhh *looks around* imported. i mean foreign. yea shes a Modelo too. no i said model. a very especial girl"

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"Is your birthday the 10th of October? Because you look like a 10/10!"
"When stoves die... they go to hoven. I'm^so^sorry"
"Science question: can somebody please explain how tiny, tiny swimsuits make Olympians dive better?"
"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"
"Why do Norwegians drive Chevys? They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord."
"""Omelet you finish."" - Kanyegg West"
"Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."
"Woman next to me at coffee shop just asked a guy who's farther away to watch her computer for a sec. Devastated."
"If you watch Cinderella backwards.. It's about a woman who learns her place."