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Joke of the Day

"My mf kid poured a bag of Cheerios crumbs in my bed like she saw the horse head in godfather and thought I can beat that"

"A better name for everything bagels would be '3-5 things bagels'"

"What'd be worse? Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter?"

"What do you call a condom within a condom? Contraception."

"""My lips are sealed."" -Virgins."

"Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West."

"What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map? Incontinent"

"I wanted to go to college to be a farmer. But, they didn't have a degree in that field."

"Why do clowns make bad entrepreneurs? Because they're into some funny business"

"What's the difference between my daughter and my wife? I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife."