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Joke of the Day

"gf: Daddy me: don't call me that it's creepy gf: Sorry Baby me: that's better"

"One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them"

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"Why is acne better than a catholic priest? At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face."

"How do you tell a Japanese girl you're breaking up with her ? You drop it on her twice."

"Has anyone said 'Julia Roberts makes me feel like I don't have enough teeth'? Because I'd like to say that."

"I've developed a fear of imitation ale, It's a faux beer."

"Something is bugging me... Something is bugging me. I keep thinking about my four year old daughter's vagina and I can't put my finger on it."

"Two guys walk into a bar. Which was dumb, because the second one should have ducked!"

"The fact that twitter is at it's busiest during working hours probably tells you all you need to know about the worlds economic problems"