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Joke of the Day

"gf: Daddy me: don't call me that it's creepy gf: Sorry Baby me: that's better"

"Did you hear about the brown paper bag cowboy? He had a brown paper bag hat, brown paper bag boots, a brown paper bag shirt, and a pair of brown paper bag pants. He was arrested. For rustling."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."

"I was dating an analog synthesizer But I had to break it off. She was just continuously variable."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Hit that faggot with your car."

"Why didn't the two introverts go camping? Because it's two fucking in tents."

"Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!"

"I'm a traveling art collector, but not doing so well... I'm always in need of Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh."

"How many 9GAGers does it take to change a lightbulb? Exactly the same amount as the Redditors on /r/AdviceAnimals and /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu ."

"How to dress like Lady Gaga: 1. Go to ikea. 2. Pick a object that doesn't belong on your head. 3. Put it on your head."