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Joke of the Day

"[sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?"

"*a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?"

"Add an exclamation point to an email BOOM you're a morning person."

"My sister's a really bad driver. What makes you say that? Every time she goes out in the car Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over."

"If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?"

"What's more useless than a condom at a feminist rally? Everyone there."

"Ok so I met this one guy who told me he lived in Paris. To make a long story short, he lived in Paris TX."

"Sir you don't need to be tailgating me I'm already going 55mph in a 35mph zone And the lights on top of your car look ridiculous"

"*Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!"

"Want to hear a joke? Windows vista"