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Joke of the Day

"Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one."

"What's the most offensive joke you've ever heard?"

"What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception? Parents."

"Why couldn't the melons be together? Everyone knows melons cantaloupe."

"What is the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear!"

"Last night, I had dinner at one of those illicit restaurants where you can dine on endangered species. I left there full of egret."

"YOU make some noise. You're the one with the band and the microphone."

"The best time to leave the country is when a demonic voice screams your name from inside a locked basement"

"How long does it take for a woman to have an orgasm? Who cares?"

"Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book."