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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the melons be together? Everyone knows melons cantaloupe."

"Why were 9/11 victims the fastest readers? They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds."

"Kid 1: Why'd you call me Aphrodite? ""After the Greek goddess of love"" Kid 2: What about me pop? ""You're named after a famous chipmunk Alvin"""

"Helping my kid memorize a list of cities and accidentally wrote a Pitbull song."

"I always keep two kinds of birth control available: condoms (cling wrap), and ""fancy"" condoms (condoms)."

"Yo mamma so dumb... ...her offspring think 'Yo mamma' jokes are funny!"

"In my math homework I was asked what's the difference a racist and a mathematician. I need help solving this equation, maybe one of you could ask one of your Asian friends for me?"

"Me: ""Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor."" 3yo: ""You're welcome Mom, look at this!""*scatters more on floor I deserve that."

"How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb? [removed]"

"[on date] Here, let me help you with your jacket! *i gently remove her jacket* This is mine now. Cya"