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Joke of the Day

"For once in my life, I'd just want to feel wanted; even if it means robbing a bank."

"Did you guys hear about that guy who died? He was famous for giving sheep haircuts. Did that for over 25 years. They say he died from shear boredom."

"If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me"

"I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone."

"Pregnant Eskimo What did the eskimo say when her water broke? Oh no, my ice cracked!"

"No one is perfect. Everyone's Ass has a crack in it."

"Things I know I cannot do but still try to: 1. Cartwheel 2. Hit the high note 3. Move things with my mind 4. Eat 'just one' 5. Be Cool"

"I went to an orgy... And all I got was this cummy t-shirt."

"What do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Rick O'Shea"

"I once shook hands with Michael J Fox He seemed pretty offended, but in my defense, the room was cold."