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Joke of the Day

"My dad has the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"What's worse than a cardboard box? Paper tits."

"My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house."

"FREE $1,000,000,000 IDEA: a Tumblr-type platform for list-making called Schindlr"

"I don't really like abortion jokes. The delivery is always sloppy."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"Why couldn't the chord get into the bar? She was A minor."

"What is the most popular social media form at Hogwarts? SnapeChat"

"Why Do Tigers Have Stripes? Because They Don't Want To Be Spotted"

"Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap He was high on my list of priorities"