219956

Joke of the Day

"Position of husband is like a split A.C. No matter how loud he is outside, but inside the house, he is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by remote."

"Have you heard? They pulled the Steve Irwin brand of sunscreen off the shelves. It didn't protect against deadly rays."

"Had pumpkin flavored coffee this morning and immediately signed up for a Zumba class and kidnapped 2 kids and drove them to a soccer field"

"""Was this car tested on animals?"" ""sir animals can't drive"" ""will this car enable animals to drive?"" ""No"" ""SO YOU DID TEST IT!"" ""god damnit"""

"Why do prostitutes hate hot dogs? Because the vender always forgets to put on CONDOMents. Goddamn, hat joke was bad"

"What does a Jedi say after a tragic loss of life? ""May my thoughts be with them""."

"I see Freddie Mercury has had an asteroid named after him. His surviving family have said how great it is to finally have Freddie immortalized in rock, and really appreciate the sediment."

"What do you call a fusion between Batman and Superman? The krypton-knight."

"Our last fight was my fault.. My wife asked me ""whats on the tv?"" I said ""dust."""

"What is a bachelor's favorite fruit? Cantaloupe"