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Joke of the Day

"ME: Do we have Bacon Bits? WIFE: Fridge. Why? ME: *filling pockets* No reason *dog park* PERSON: Sorry. He's normally behaved ME: No prob"

"If the answer is 'cockrobin', what's the question? 'What's up my ass, Batman?'"

"Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother."

"Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans."

"9/11 was an inside job! 10 did it"

"Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer' Well, it turns out writing ""my money is on cancer every time"" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail."

"Shoulder blades sound way more awesome than they are."

"*takes bite of cookie* Aw man this is awful *takes another bite* Still bad. But I better eat the rest to see if it gets better"

"my daughter's joke How does the Pope fly to Mass? In his HolyCopter."

"People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them."