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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine."

"I made the kids put sunglasses on the snowman so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with the neighbors."

"Damn girl are you Schrodinger's cat cos you're in a box and all these nerds are talking about you? Sir have some respect this is a funeral."

"Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications."

"I need Jesus in my life This lawn aint gonna cut itself"

"So when people say they religiously do something. Does that mean they do it really hypocritically and fairy tale like?"

"What do you call someone with no shins? Tony"

"A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society."

"Just watched a pirated movie On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14"

"Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise."