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Joke of the Day

"okay ready? What if ancient egyptians put cats on everything because they totally saw the future and they knew what the internet was about"

"Why do butter substitutes have such a hard time? Because they're always being marginalized!"

"Italian WWII Tank for Sale It has 5 speeds; 4 are reverse."

"My To Do List: 1. Buy a flat screen TV. 2. Hang it on a wall. 3. Put a tub of boiling water under the TV 4. Watch ""The Ring"" and see tht bitch fall when she crawls outta my TV."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day... teach a man to fish and you create a market for bait and tackle."

"Child actors cry so realistically because their parents have given them a bottomless well of sadness to draw from. And... ACTION!"

"the kidzbop version of gangnam style is why terrorists hate us."

"We live in a generation where Gorilla Glass technology protects our phones.. ..yet there's nothing that exists that could have saved Harambe."

"Whats the difference between love, ture love, and showing off? spit, sallow, and gargle."

"Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa."