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Joke of the Day

"I share an office thermostat with a middle aged woman. I'm in a t-shirt while she's rubbing 2 pencils together trying to start a trash fire"

"I was going to tell you guys more jokes about the Titanic passengers but I think they've gone overboard"

"So i found a new clickbait technique. So did you."

"Why did the hipster... Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the hot coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool."

"What's the most trifling thing about divorce when you have kids? Child custardy"

"So Donald Trump was pounding this chick and she started moaning ""oh daddy!"" Then he said, ""I know I am your daddy Ivanka"""

"Local store is having a MLK day sale Everything is 2/5ths off"

"A Volvo runs over a Nokia... ... the world explodes."

"by far the worst part of becoming an adult is realizing that at no point do you simply obtain all the answers. you just fucking guess."

"I can't have kids CUZ the second they disrespect me hooomaaagaww I would throw a child out a window"