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Joke of the Day

"NO...I don't ""make plans"" because plans suggest INTENT... ...which is typically the distinction between second & first degree convictions."

"My son: do kids that get bullied go to college? Me: no they go to the police academy"

"welcome to fireman school. raise ur hand if you thought this was firefighter school *all hands raise* wrong *lights self on fire* FIREMAN"

"Parents: don't give your child the answers to his homework. He needs to learn on his own that you don't know what you're talking about."

"Man who farts in church... ... sits in own pew"

"""Doctor doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!"" ""Next please."""

"Maybe this is the vodka speaking, but Hi! I'm made from potatoes!"

"[God creating wombats] Just roll that balloon in fur and let's call it a day."

"You know you just can't tell Penguin jokes. They just don't fly"

"I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at tweets all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway."