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Joke of the Day

"Barista won't write ""Air Bud was bullshit"" on my coffee cup. We've been arguing for 20 minutes. HE'S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL"

"Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking..."

"What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus? You only need one nail for the picture."

"I've recently invented a new gaseous compound I like to call 'Fuh'. I like to spray myself with it before I go out. It often causes people to Fuh-cough."

"With apologies to books, tits are way better."

"I met a geologist the other day He seemed gneiss."

"What did James Potter say to his wife when she told him she's been cheating with one of his friends ? ARE YOU FUCKING SIRIUS ?"

"What's the difference between a cow and The Bible? You can't milk a cow for 2,000 years."

"WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less"

"The EU is like a box of chocolates; Nobody likes the Turkish."