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Joke of the Day

"Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they can't elope."

"My son fell asleep on a lego. He is in critical condition and will be getting surgery this morning. He is currently on morphine and has had several seizures."

"[in front of fire] DATE: I'm still kinda cold *she looks at my jacket* ME: Oh! Yeah *I take off jacket & throw it in fire* That oughta do it"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound Bus depot filled with old people, and a crab with DD boobs? One's a crusty bus station, and the others a busty crustacean."

"[Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science."

"Why did the lion lose at poker? He was playing with a cheetah."

"I hope Prince Harry and Emma Watson last because if they have a son, it will be the half-blood prince."

"Beating up band nerds with witty comebacks *Impales Flutist* ""Must be flute poisoning"" *Bludgeons French Horn Player* ""Am I making you horny?"" *Throws Tuba player off cliff* ""Tu...bad"""

"You smell like trash..... Can I take you out?"

"Since I have a lot of exams next week... I decided to buy a Seahawks jersey. That way, I'm sure to pass even if I shouldn't"