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Joke of the Day

"Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I'd be obsessed with you too."

"Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness? The border."

"My ex-wife is so evil that she has lessons with Satan every Sunday... I just don't know how much she charges him."

"Q: How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? A: Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door."

"What do you call a hooker's fart? ... ... A Prosti- Toot!"

"Jewish joke! What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven."

"Why did the French chef kill himself? He lost the huile d'olive."

"Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal."

"Whats the difference between a cockpit and a condom? you can only get one prick into a condom -Fight Club"

"Zoo... I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage. A sign read: ""Bread in captivity."""