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Joke of the Day

"What do pizzas and blow jobs have in common... Even when there a bit shit, there still pretty fucking good."

"Is that a booger in your nose? No, it's snot."

"What do people call Mozart and Beethoven after they died? Decomposers"

"I gave my wife one last chance to suck my dick... She blew it."

"Donald trumps next book should be called ... The gift of the grab."

"As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" No you sick fuck, I'm putting it up in the living room."

"What do you call a lesbian ice cream sandwich? A Klondyke bar."

"*walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* ""Sorry. Traffic."" *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* ""Oh this? I found it."""

"How does a Muslim find a goat in tall grass? Sexier when his child bride is holding it."

"Luigi: You got your own land, world & galaxy. Can I have Mario Mansion? Mario: ok fine [under breath] gonna put a bunch of ghosts in it tho"