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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a flying fuck."

"How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces."

"Me: Check it out! I'm juggling! Wife: Me: Wife: You're supposed to use more than one ball. Me: Can't you just be happy for me?"

"What was Bruce lee's favorite drink? Wataaaaah!"

"When a kid wants to snuggle it means you're about to get warmth in your heart and an elbow to every single one of your other organs."

"Why don't violists get stressed? Because they have nothing to fret about!"

"Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]"

"I was going to make a joke about Sodium and Hydrogen but NaH"

"daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip"

"I'll bet even homeless people look at funeral homes and think, ""Nope. I'd rather stay out here."""