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Joke of the Day

"just taught my 3yo to sing ""if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands"" and then laugh at the people clapping"

"Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise."

"Deep After stewing in his emotions, emo veg comes to the conclusion that the root of the world's problems is that people don't seem to carrot all."

"As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won't activate the touch screen, I'm long gone."

"Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again."

"Circumcisions are painful. When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year"

"How does one know if balls are ticklish? Test-Tickle."

"How do people not know how to say their ABC's backwards. It's 3 fucking letters."

"If you live in Russia... .. then you must've picked ""HARD MODE"" at birth."

"I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein."