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Joke of the Day

"1. Tattoo ""I'M WATCHING YOU"" on your shaved head. 2. Grow hair and wait for daughter's boyfriend to come over. 3. Shave head in front of him"

"There are 30 cows and twenty eight chickens... How many didn't? Better told in person."

"The other day someone said my clothes looked gay... I told them they got out of the closet just this morning."

"What's Trump's favorite Olympic sport? Fencing!"

"Why do all black men have nightmares? The one with a dream was shot."

"My gf got into a car accident today... I take public transportation so I don't also get rear ended by strangers."

"Irony. The opposite of wrinkly. Thank you. I'll be here all night."

"I'm having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write."

"Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous You're practically begging for typos."

"WIFE: [crying] guess what my sister just told me ME: she's a liar WIFE: are you saying her dog didn't die? ME: [wiping sweat] I love you"