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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: [crying] guess what my sister just told me ME: she's a liar WIFE: are you saying her dog didn't die? ME: [wiping sweat] I love you"

"Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention."

"I was gonna tell a joke about boxing... ...then I forgot the punchline. I'll show myself out."

"Should English be the only official language of the EU? No."

"Why couldn't the Chinese herpetologist see out his car window? Because it was too froggy outside."

"How is sleeping with a girl whose dad is in the other room the same as being kidnapped? Come quietly and nobody gets hurt."

"What does the ghost like on his roast beef? grave-y gravy"

"If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter."

"How do you make a dead baby float? -2 scoops vanilla icecream -2 scoops baby -Add rootbeer and serve"

"My dog LOVES dark chocolate... He doesn't care about antioxidants, it's all about great taste for him"