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Joke of the Day

"Don't act like you've never used a pair of binoculars to try to peer through another pair of binoculars."

"Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions)."

"want to feel old?? theres stil a infinite number of small wonders u've yet to experiemce in ur incredible life. so too bad. now u feel young"

"My wife was shocked when she came home from work last night. I'd wired the door handle to the mains."

"What do you get when you cross an orchard with a concentration camp? apple juice"

"Not all of the weird sexual stuff you hear about is as good as it's cracked up to be... I mean you can tell me how great autoerotic asphyxiation is till you're blue in the face."

"My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch."

"I bought the worst thesaurus the other day. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible."

"In ""Beantown"" for the night. I expected more burritos."

"A clown was walking by yesterday with a load of red socks turns out it was both of his boots"