218572

Joke of the Day

"*wife comes home* ""Did you fix the toilet?"" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] ""You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"""

"I can't fall asleep right now, I'm too busy counting how many hours of sleep I will get if I fall asleep right now."

"I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends."

"Two hillbillies were playing chess.."

"Police - OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR"

"Stop! This is not funny! My dad died in 9/11, his last words were Allah wakbar"

"Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month."

"WHAT DO WE WANT? RACE CAR NOISES!!! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?? NEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"Immigration jokes are funny But some just cross the line..."

"(Real news) In Florida, a truck filled with $120,000-worth of chocolate was stolen. Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing."