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Joke of the Day

"Me: I set a record for the rope climb in high school. 4-year-old: You climbed it the fastest? My wife: He cried the most."

"For Christmas this year I'm going to pay my bills and look at pictures of Europe and cry."

"My doctor told me I need to stop masturbating I asked why, he said something about examining me. Lets see what you got Reddit. Keep the title and change the punchline."

"I've never been a fan of phone sex... ... mostly because they're made out of really hard plastic."

"A politician died It was a good day."

"Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'."

"what did the jewish child molester say? hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"

"What's the difference between purple and pink? Your grip!"

"What do you call the ring that worms leave round the bath ? The scum of the earth !"

"Me: ""...american cheese, toasted."" Her: ""What kind of cheese?"" Me: ""American..."" Her: ""Want it toasted?"" Me: ""I'll just make it myself."""