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Joke of the Day

"Happy Valentine's day! Do you know what the word of the day is? Legs!.....Should we go back to my place and spread the word?"

"*struggling to get the peanut butter jar that I just closed open* ""HOLY COW, I'M STRONGER THAN MYSELF"""

"Best Place to hide.. Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google."

"*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiance is reading her wedding vows*"

"no one knows where the sky starts. ""here?"" wonders one scientist, her hand just above her head. ""how about here"" says another, crouching."

"What's an ants favourite collectible item Antiques"

"This Valentines Day I hope you got shot by Cupid and not a legless Olympic sprinter."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amour ! Amour who? Amour you eat the more you want !"

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"Sex is like a snowstorm... Sex is like a snowstorm: It's advertised a beautiful, in reality gets messy very quickly, and if you take 10"" overnight you are *not* moving the next day."