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Joke of the Day

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"put this tweet on the news"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper looks surprised and asks, ""You have a drink named Steve?"""

"What do you call a dirty puddle on a slab of cold concrete in dim, gloomy light? A sunny day in Seattle."

"Turns out the guy I tipped is NOT the men's room attendant & now I really just want to get this BJ over with."

"Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer? In denial."

"I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically."

"I thought I saw a pizza in the sexy underwear ad. ...oops, wrong subliminal"

"You're so ugly... your birth certificate is a letter of apology."

"A cunt. What do you call someone who says the punchline before the joke?"