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Joke of the Day

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"A woman walks into a brothel, slaps down a few hundred dollars, and exclaims, ""I want twelve inches, and I want them to hurt!"" So the doorman smacks her face with a ruler."

"My physics professor gave us a really difficult exam question about a ball with a changing rate of acceleration. It was a jerk move."

"[in space] ASTRONAUT: Up here you can have delusions ME: Haha I don't think so A: They can seem real GANDALF: Don't believe him ME: I don't"

"I love eBay! Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month."

"How come Notepad has no street cred? It can't wrap."

"I used to be a missing cat Now I'm in a band"

"The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you."

"I would like to tell you about how I beat the Elite Four's Pokemon using only Luvdisc... But just a disclaimer, that battle is not for the faint of heart."

"I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have. He said, ""shuriken."""